A Year Later

Almost more than a year later, here I am.  A lot has changed since I last signed in and wrote something.  Moved to a new place, adjusted to a new life and had people come and go from my life.  I feel like I might have lost that spark I had when I used to write.  One of my dreams was to write and self-publish a novel before I turned 24.  That dream is definitely in the past now.  Mostly because the day I turned 24 has passed and sort of because I have been so caught up with experiencing life, I haven’t had the chance to write.

I miss writing.  I miss staying up at 3 in the morning and just typing away this imaginary world that made me so happy.  Saying that life is good will be an understatement but no matter how hard I try, I cannot fully put into words the gratefulness I feel for being where I am and who I have grown into as a person in a year.   It has been  such a long while that I had completely forgotten about this blog.  I was just sitting around reminiscing about it with someone when I decided to come back here.  Feels like walking into a home I haven’t been inside but it has been waiting for me to return.

Maybe I will get back to working on my long forgotten novel again, maybe I will start from scratch with a new one but I will try and write as it is a part of me that I can not deny.  I want t0 get back on my goal of self-publishing though I will be setting realistic goals as to how I get to that point. For now, I will end this rant by just saying how good it feels to be back.

Paranormal Romance.

One day, after I actually do self publish my romance novel, I want to dive into the world of paranormal. With the witches and vampires and ghouls and werewolves and cliched characters that have their own thing. With a heroine who has the best of two worlds yet is on a journey of self discovery. Maybe Keepers who tend to the creatures of the dark and keep them in line and a bad guy who I am still working on t o make a little scary (Or not). Sometimes I want to write about Hades as the good guy. He has been the butt of every bad thing happening to man kind that I kind of sympathize with him. I think he is a little misunderstood. Or the heroine can be the daughter of a Keeper who has been seduced by Zeus. Its plausible. I guess I will spend some time working on this idea. I hope no one else has published their work, before today, about Keepers protecting the world. Although the core idea has been used way too many times. But oh well, not like many people will read this anyways, lol.

Anyways, update on my present going work, I have been facing some sudden changes in life that has sort of derailed my creative process. Though some thing good came out of it is that I am thinking of changing the Hero belonging to some rich family and actually making him some one normal yet extraordinary. Too many rich guys have been the heroes of so many stories. One of my earliest ideas of my ‘drafts’ were to make the guy, Thea’s next door neighbor who has just moved in. But I don’t know if that idea is workable. I have to get back to writing, to explore this front. Hoping to do that soon even though my life is going through some real major change at the moment. Really hoping I keep working on this.

GOD DAMN!

I almost gave up writing today. I don’t know why but I already starting to slip into the depression writers slip into when they are half way done with their books. I just started writing and I don’t know if I can actually do this. As I’ve heard people say, “Everyone has a story. Doesn’t mean it is worth telling.” I’m really struggling with words right now. I am good with detailing but I guess a novel need even more detailing than a normal short snippet would. Why words, why?! I’m trying to push my self to write, no matter how shitty, and complete the word limit I set for each day. I’ll try my best to keep doing it so I can have the whole story written by the start of July or August. I guess, I can start the editing and formatting process after that. Polish my work, you can say. Let’s see if I can do this. *fingers crossed*

Revelation.

I have been stuck on trying to write and getting the story down in words. I wanted to write from Thea’s side of the story and from Lucian’s as well. But tonight while talking to a friend, discussing how insecure I was getting about not being able to write for a long while (almost a year), I figured out what had been becoming a block. My trying to write from both of their sides and being the person observing them. I should have known that was never going to work. This story is very near to my heart and it had to come from the inside. I had to write it as if I was the heroine, not someone observing her. I just might never know what goes around in Lucian’s head when he finds out my secrets but I’m willing to trade that for a story that’s mine. This is not a typical love story for me. I want the heroine to have her own personality. Her own voice. Not being turned into a mindless person falling in love with someone and losing their own personality. I want her to have fire. Passion for life. And I want Lucian to fall in love with that and everything else that makes her what she is. I don’t want it to be a love story driven by lust. I want it to be a story where the hero can’t resist the girl because even though she just might be average looking, her intelligence, her love for small thing, her habits make her sexier than a cleavage baring, handkerchief dress wearing girl. So here’s to all the smart ladies who wouldn’t change a thing about themselves just so a guy can like them and here’s to ladies who know how to hold their own and not dumb themselves to appear attractive. Here’s to guys who know the difference between a woman and someone trying too hard. Men who know how to respect a woman and have learned to never try to capture their wildness and crush them. It feels so good to get this all out. Well, this is me getting back to writing. Ciao.

Untouched, Unseen, Unsaid

An unpainted picture in shades unknown,

Untouched canvas of the skin not warm,

Unseen pores and unfelt shivers,

Thoughts of which make lips quiver,

Unsaid words in breathless whispers,

Ends the longing in whimpering moans.

CRIMSON ROSE.

“Mine, mine, mine,” his hoarse voice whispered her favorite words as the darkness started taking over. His deep, husky voice was like satin slipping on her skin or was it something else that was creating the illusion. She was getting wetter and for once she didn’t like how it made her feel. Her world was now contained in flashes of red, black and white. Her once white dress was turning crimson in the middle, faster than she could say blood. She could feel the dying sensation of his rough hand trying to smooth and brush her hair off of her forehead, holding her in a tight grip against his hard chest. “No, no, no, this isn’t happening, not today. Don’t let go, please, please. I’m not letting you go. Help is on the way darling, just a few seconds more,” He begged her, trying to stop the life spilling out her. His heartbeat erratic, his voice laced with fear that made her guilty for not being able to do what he was asking of her. “I…,” She tried to form some words, trying to apologize. He shushed her, screaming for his friends to help him over and over again. She closed her eyes managing a weak smile, raised her trembling hand, touched his cheek and frowned as she found it warm, wet and sad. “Was this man crying?” Her mind asked. His stubble tickled her hand as he rubbed his face against her hand before taking it in his own hand and kissing it as his sobs rocked his body and hers. She inhaled his musky scent, filling her last breaths with him, leaving a weak kiss on his chest and his pain filled scream of revenge were the last thing she heard out of his mouth as she drowned down the abyss of darkness, of death.

I don’t even know why I wrote this. This was just in my head and is now on the blog.